A Review of Airline Food, pt 1

Pre-breakfast, 6am, Christchurch Airport

Italian Panini (olive and sundried tomato – delicious)
Coffee, flat white

Breakfast: Qantas, Christchurch to Auckland

Marmite scroll

Second breakfast, 9am: Auckland Airport

Doughnut, chocolate glazed and creme filled (Dunkin Donuts)
Fruit salad and berry yoghurt (Sumo Salad)

(Dunkin Donuts seem tastier than the horrid one I tasted a few years ago, but still not the best doughnut in the world, and it’s spelled with a u and a gh in the Queen’s English, people! And seriously who is going to dunk anything that big? It won’t even fit in a coffee cup. Rar American cultural imperialism glurble nom nom nom.)

Lunch: Auckland Airport

Udon noodles with tofu slices (Hayama Sushi and Noodle Bar)

(The tofu is thin, fried but not fatty, fragrant and delicious. I can’t place the flavour but I know I’ve tasted it before. It’s not soy; hint of berry. Mental note to try to track down that sauce.)

Dinner: LAN Chile, Auckland to Santiago

Ravioli with tomato and feta filling
Roll with New Zealand butter
Fruit crumble
Kit-Kat bar
Heinekin lager

(Dear World: On behalf of New Zealand, I would like to apologise for brewing and exporting Heinekin. I am truly sorry. We make Monteith’s; we do know better.)

Breakfast: LAN Chile, Auckland to Santiago

Omelette with potato hash brown and tomato puree
Fruit salad
Fresh ‘n’ Fruity yoghurt
Roll with butter and Craigs strawberry jam

(Yay! Breakfast means I’ve nearly survived the night terrors of long-haul flight. Even in an aisle seat I’m cramped, hot, dehydrated. My seatmate appears to have vanished entirely; I’m a little concerned. He never does reappear. Found a better spot, holed up in the loo mixing a bomb from smuggled toothpaste and shampoo, or wrenched open the cabin door in a fit of desperation and jumped? If the last I almost envy him.

Coffee was probably a mistake, but I wanted the wake-up juice.)

Afternoon refreshments: Santiago transit lounge

7-Up, cans, 2.

(It’s wet and I can order it in English and I can’t find any prices on the more inviting bottles of Evian in the shop so I suspect them of bankrupting me. As it is a single can costs 1350 pesos, which at an exchange rate of 530-something pesos to the American dollar comes out at $3 American per can which is $6 New Zealand, which seems pretty darn expensive. But maybe everything’s relative and it’s just the jet-lag paranoia setting in.)

Dinner: LAN Chile, Santiago to São Paulo

Omelette (dry and crispy) with ham, cheese (mozarella? chewy and delicious), tomato, hash brown, corned beef, and olive
Salad with Hellmann’s mayonaisse (salty and buttery, so much so that I suspect it of being actual butter in disguise, and that I should have put it on the roll instead) and lemon dressing (much better)
Roll with butter (well, so much for the mayonaisse then)
Tres Leches dessert (a kind of trifle with mock cream on top – perhaps churning the mayonaisse exhausted all their stocks of real cream)
Mineral water (still)

(Sparkling mineral water is one of those many strange little traps for the unwary air traveller. If you ask for ‘água’ and not ‘água sem gás’ you may well get this. I do not understand why it exists. It’s what you’d expect unflavoured soda water to taste like: sour, bitter, gassy, unquenching of thirst. People drink this by choice? It’s like Heinekin, only not quite as bad. True culture shock begins.)


3 Responses to “A Review of Airline Food, pt 1”

  1. W. Says:

    “Some aqua, please”, that is the only way I’m able to drink water. Sour and bubbly.

  2. W. Says:

    Anyone who spills that much ink over airline food suggests semi-starvation of which your video supplies supporting evidence. Have a few more chestbursters with icecream! (Probably no Hokey Pokey there, but more likely Vanilla, Chocolate and Hazelnut?)

  3. W. Says:

    Oh, I just see it is agua and not aqua. Apparently they don’t speak Latin there.

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